A void of incomprehension (Sometimes you have to let go) Jul 21, 2017 8:08:59 GMT -5
Post by markdohle on Jul 21, 2017 8:08:59 GMT -5
A void of incomprehension
(Sometimes you have to let go)
(Sometimes you have to let go)
I am a big believer in communication. So one of the hardest aspects of being human is the painful reality that there are times when it is impossible to talk or help someone else. It is a hard limitation to swallow. There are walls that can block understanding someone else. Yet a wall can be dealt with over time if there is at least some good will on both sides. Some breakthrough can be attained. Then there are relationships, perhaps in the family, or at work, or in our cultures, where communications totally break down. Possibly because there is no wall there in the first place, there is a void of incomprehension.
I know that I have been on both sides of this equation, where I am the one someone can’t reach, and on the other, where no matter what I say will be misinterpreted. So over the years, slowly, the wisdom has grown where I know that there will be people in my life that can’t reach me and others that I cannot connect with, even if I tried.
It is not about cutting someone loose (though that may be needed), but simply learning limitations and knowing when to stop trying to work through the emptiness that can separate me from another or the other from me. In those times when I could not connect with someone who wanted to associate with me, it was frustrating because of the pain I was causing, but in the end, the relationship never got started, it was stillborn.
Beliefs have a lot to do with it. When someone believes that no one can be trusted, or that people are after them and are convinced of it…..well….in the end, nothing can be done. It is not about giving up, for a relationship of sorts can evolve, just not one where some deeper knowledge of the other can be accomplished. Or that nothing can be done to help them, since they may not know that they need help.
I guess it is not that difficult to imprison oneself in an emotional prison so deep that reasonable discourse is next to impossible. When I reach a high emotional state, like with anger, if I lose touch with myself, there is no reasoning with me, I am right and the judge and jury. I believe that when this happens I am for a short time ‘out of touch with reality’, perhaps a temporary form of insanity. What if that state becomes permanent? When young, I learned this lesson, and I guess it has saved me a lot of grief in my life, that any kind of meaningful discourse is not always possible and to just get over it and move on.
To try to reach someone who is buried in their own subjectivity so deeply that no real communication can happen, it is better to stop. This can also happen with groups I believe. Yet, it is easier to see it in others than in myself, or in the group, I may belong to.
Deep emotional wounds may never heal for some (many?) and can lead to a life of loneliness and not understanding why no one comprehends them. We are truly complex creatures. Sometimes one's faith can help to break through this wall. But it can also reinforce it as well. If a group gets together that can communicate within their own small circle, then isolation is no more. It is the same prison, the circle is just bigger. Perhaps bigotry in all of its forms is also a much bigger circle. Crazy ideas which are taken as normal by a large group of people. Political parties, religions and different schools that follow a very specific philosophy can fall into this trap.
If one man is sane in a large group of people who have dangerous beliefs, he may be considered out of touch by the majority, or most likely everyone. The so called cultural wars going on today, are we reaching a point where any kind of bridge is impossible to build? One side thinking the other evil, crazy, and needs to be dealt with. I do believe it is easier to fall into these kinds of traps than we realize. For it is always easier to see it in others than in ourselves, or in the culture, we identify with.
When we make others’, ‘its’ instead of ‘a Thou’, they are just a ‘thing’ to get rid of. It is difficult to see the ‘Light of Christ’ in ‘others’. That is why we are perhaps told to love our enemies’ and to not judge at a level that takes away their worth and humanity. To be human, to grow in our humanity, to become connected with those around us is an arduous process and a sometimes lonely road to walk. I cannot imagine how lonely Jesus was in the midst of his Apostles and followers while he walked this earth.